Hope Remix

"I was hoping to write a deep, thought-provoking entry, but chances aren't as good now... Just when I need to examine my emotions, they become scrambled as if they're strawberries and bananas being mixed inside a blender. Ah well, I'll do my best.
For the most part, I think I feel distressed. Or a better word might be disturbed. My singleness, inexperience, and lack of hope for the short-term are all to blame for this emotion.
But before I get too wrapped up in my sadness, I remember all the hope I have for the long-term. Even the ugliest and the fattest get married and live exceptional lives, so I have more good chances than bad.
I need to make the hope overpower the distress, which it usually does anyway... but the little shadow of distress is always there. Don't get me wrong... I'm a very happy person. However, I'm also discontent. I feel like I haven't really lived yet. My curiosity keeps me wondering, "What's it like to live this way?" which makes it difficult to be satisfied. I hope that if I'm lucky enough to be granted another 20 years of life, I'll be able to find the answers and experience all the things I hope to.
Maybe it's this satisfying of curiosity that gives meaning to life.
And with that, I depart."

I blogged that on my Myspace, so I figured I'd post it in here too. It pretty much describes how I feel right now.

Only 30 Calories!

Not much has been happening since Christmas. I've been enjoying my 3 main gifts: my treadmill, Pokemon Leaf Green game, and Beastie Boys CD's. And what's totally awesome is that I can use them all once! :)
Anyway... I just got back from my 3rd basketball practice. I LOVE the practices, and I can't believe I almost dropped out. Everyone on my team is a good sport, and I feel like we're all equal. However, tonight's practice could've been a bit better because I was feeling pukish during most of it. I guess I ate too much before coming. Oh well, now that I know that, I can make the next practice even more awesome.
Now for something I don't love... I think I have laryngitis. I woke up this morning and couldn't talk at all, and I read online that secondhand smoke could be the cause. For the past week, I've been in the same house with 3 smokers, so I'm thinking that has something to do with this crap. I hope my voice comes back before school starts, and I also hope I can convince my dad to start smoking outside. You'd think he would if he caused his daughter to lose her voice, but I guess even that's not enough without persuasion. *sigh* Speaking of talking, I'm tired of it, even if it's through keys rather than vocal cords. I'll leave you all for a beloved clementine, which contains only 30 calories. ;)

Christmas, 2005

Christmas was good this year. :) I don't feel like making a long entry, so I'm going to list what I received.
-Treadmill... hecka yeah!! ;D
-Sounds of Science (The Beastie Boys) CD
-Pokemon Leaf Green
-Other various small things
Well, that pretty much sums it up! Everything about the holiday was good, except for the fact that it came and went too quickly. Now I'm going to leave you all, only to face the temptation of the tasty food lying about. Merry late Christmas!

AHHH!!

Sometimes I just want to beat the crap out of my mom!!!! She's randomly pissy and annoyingly forgetful, and she's just not fun to live with sometimes. Thankfully, anger is fuel.
Excuse the shortness and randomness of this entry. I either had to write it or vent it to someone in real life, and no one really wants to hear crap like this.

Progression

I've taken a big step in my public speaking ability. I presented my book report on From the Corner of his Eye yesterday, and it was a big success. Now I can honestly say that I enjoy being in front of an audience, as long as I'm confident about what I'm talking about. This, along with other things, has brought to me a certain feeling of hope.
I think the other cause of this hope is just the fact that I'm out of school for Christmas break. A voice inside me is calling and saying to exercise everyday, which I'm pretty sure I'll do. I don't get around to exercising after school anymore, since I'm never home during the daylight hours. Some would count track as exercise, but I won't, since Shelley always gets me to walk rather than run. Anyway, none of that matters now, because there's no school, Shelley, or track, just me and 11 days of free time.
Bring it on!

First GAA Basketball Practice

See this picture? That's Rage Against the Machine, and the hot dude in the front is the main singer, Zack de la Rocha. He's almost as hot as his exotic last name. ;) I was looking at a picture of him in sci. vis., and this cool guy who loves the Beastie Boys said jokingly, "Why are you looking at a picture of Bob Marley?" HAHA! Very, very amusing. :)
Anyway, enough of my girly side. Today was incredibly awesome! I didn't have to present my project in second period, but I'm going to be the first to present tomorrow... yikes! I'm nervous, but I'm ready to get that crap out of the way. I aced the test in third period, and I napped in fourth period, which is funny, considering it's gym class. Nothing out of the ordinary for track; Shelley was tolerable, and I attempted (unsuccessfully) to pole vault.
The official highlight of my day occured less than 2 hours ago. My first GAA basketball practice was today, and it was totally AWESOME! At first I was thinking, Oh jeez, this is gonna suck. Boy, was I wrong, haha. Everyone was extremely nice, and I don't think I stood out too much as a sucky player. Our team is only about 8 people, so that'll probably make it more fun. I can just imagine us all becoming really good friends... ahh, that'd be nice. :)
Oh yeah, today was my mom's birthday. In between track and basketball, our family went out to eat at this place called Tex & Shirley's. It wasn't the best... just figured I'd write that so that I'll remember not to go there again. :)
Hmm, I had fun writing this entry. I think I'm getting the hang of this blogging stuff. B)

Extra-Long Weekend

Rather than a usual, 2-day-long weekend, I had 4 days off. Blessed ice... :) Guilford County Schools didn't even need to cancel school Friday, but I'm hecka glad they did! Anyway, I had fun these past 4 days.
The highlight of them was my sleepover with Cynthia. She stayed over at my house on Friday night... first, we met up at the park on our bikes, and then we went back to my house and chilled for a bit. After a while, we walked up to Big Lots and Kerr Drugs with $4 and bought candy. :P Along with that, we ordered pizza when we got home. It was a night of many indulgences!
We also took pictures... A LOT of pictures. Some of them turned out really, really good, so I might post them in here one day.
I'm really glad Cynthia and me became good friends. It's so convenient because we live extremely close to each other, and she's always willing to hang out. I can just imagine summer... us riding to each other's house every day... tons of sleepovers... walking to the stores... Okay, enough of that. If that ever becomes reality, then life'll be so much more fun. :)
The idea of summer has reminded me of winter break... It's only 3 days away! It was going to be 2 days, but now we have to go to school on Wednesday to make up for the ice. Ah well... however many days, I can't wait until it finally arrives.
And YIKES!!!! I have to present my language arts project this week. Five whole minutes in front of the eyes of my classmates. I'm extremely nervous... :( Can't wait until it's over with.
Phew! I'm getting tired of writing. Other than the Cynthia sleepover, I haven't really done much this weekend. 'Til next time! :)

God is Good!

I went to church with Cynthia last night, and it was really fun! It sparked an extra bit of cheer in me along with a desire to get closer to God. I think I'm going to start going with her every week; it can do nothing but good. :)
Along with that, there was freezing rain last night, and so school was canceled today! :) Perfect timing... I was going to have to give a presentation, and now I'll have a whole extra day to practice.
*happy sigh*
I wish I could perfectly word the warm feelings I have right now, but I can't. I just hope that when I look back on this entry, I'll be able to remember how I felt.

"Like all of us in this storm between birth and death, I can wreak no great changes on the world, only small changes for the better, I hope, in the lives of those I love."
-Dean Koontz

That quote just seems suitable right now.

Animal Photos

^This is Freckle... Carmen asked me to take care of him until the end of winter break. He's fat and squishy, and he feels like a cotton ball. :)

^Looks like Tigger's ready for Christmas ;)
Today was pretty boring... all I did was chill on the computer and work on my project. I'm almost done with it, thank Heavens!
Oh, yesterday was Caro's birthday party, and it was pretty fun. She had some really tasty cupcakes! :P And she liked my gift. I got her a HIM shirt with a picture of the lead singer, Ville, on it, and she was pleased with it. All of the gifts her parents gave her were HIM related... she got a HIM blanket, some HIM gloves, and a long-sleeved HIM shirt. Hahaha, so my gift fit in really well. For the last 30 minutes of the party, we watched a bit of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and that was fun because we laughed at a lot of random parts, including a bunch of the things the transexual guy said and the "Damnit... Janet!" tune. Haha, good times... I was reluctant to leave.
Once I was home again, I talked on the phone with Cynthia for five hours. That's definitely my new record.
It's funny how the one weekend that was supposed to be centered around school work wound up being centered around friends. :)

Good Day With Stressful Feelings

Ice last night... school delayed two hours this morning! I was very happy. Today was good except for when this guy on my bus pissed me off. I was walking to the bus stop, and he rolled down his window and said, "HURRY UP!!!" I ran the rest of the way to avoid any extra crap. Now I want to brutally murder him just for making me feel like an idiot. *adds his name to the list*
Well, I guess it's one stress to another, because now I'm thinking about my annoying language arts project. I don't feel like wasting a weekend on it. Cynthia didn't stay over after all, but I've wasted just as much time as if she were here. I was at the mall for a while, and I bought a HIM shirt for Caroline, since her birthday party is tomorrow. I've also been playing gameboy. (Pokemon yellow to be specific) However, not a minute of my afternoon went to my schoolwork... sigh.
I need to put ice on my legs, because I think I have shin splints. Yeah, life sucks.

I hate society for setting the definition of "ugly."

Various Ramblings

That's my sci. vis. dragon... he was pretty fun to make. :)
Moving on... Oh man, I'm gonna have a hectic weekend. I need to buy a gift, have a sleepover with Cynthia, and go to Caro's party, and those things'll take up all of Friday and Saturday. And then I'll have to finish up my language arts project on Sunday. I'm used to doing absolutely nothing, so this is gonna be different, but possibly in a good way. I can't wait 'til Christmas break, when there's nothing school-related to worry about.
Speaking of wintery things, there's supposed to be freezing rain tonight, which means school might get delayed tomorrow. Man, that'd be AWESOME!! Two more wonderful hours of sleep. :) Stephanie was telling me to pray for 4 feet of snow, haha, but I'm happy with anything that gets us out of school. Even if it's just cold, icky ice.
I've been listening to Rage Against the Machine a lot lately, all thanks to Garrison. I knew him as an acquaintance at All Star Youth Camp, but now we chit-chat on AIM quite a bit. Rage Against the Machine has really catchy guitar toons, and they're a pretty unique band. After knowing them for only two days, I'm addicted. Haha. I've also started listening to Avenged Sevenfold... they add these touches to their songs that make them even more irresistible, if ya know what I mean. ;) Oh! And then there's the Bloodhound Gang, who're exactly like the Beastie Boys, only more sexual.
Well, yeah... I could go on and on, but I'll just end it with this statement: music is most positively the greatest thing ever!

Track Meet/Loss of a Grandma/Almost Fire

I had the first track meet of my life today, and nothing too disastrous happened! :) I was nowhere close to first in either of races (I was even the last person from my school to finish the 2nd one), but I still feel really good. It's nice to have so many people there to cheer for you.

Along with that good news, I have some bad news as well. My grandmother died today... I'm not that sad since I never saw her much, and she didn't live the most wonderful life being sick and in a nursing home. However, I'm really distressed for my dad... I don't want him to be sad. Hope everything works out.
Oh, this isn't as major, but there was a fire in our oven today. My mom was panicing; she could barely settle down enough to read the instructions on the fire extinguisher. Ah well, she managed to get it out before it spread. Now there's this smoke-like stuff in the kitchen, and I hold my breath every time I go in there.

So many ups and downs today... time to get back to homework.

"I believe the universe is sort of like an unimaginably vast musical instrument with an infinite number of strings. And every human being, every living thing, is a string on that instrument. The decisions each of us makes and the acts that he commits are like vibrations passing through a guitar string. Vibrations in one string set up soft, sympathetic vibrations in all the other strings, through the entire body of the instrument. Sometimes these sympathetic vibrations are very apparent, but a lot of the time, they're so subtle that you can hear them only if you're unusually perceptive. When you cut Naomi's string, you put an end to the effects that her music would have on the lives of others and on the shape of the future. You struck a discord that can be heard, however faintly, all the way to the farthest end of the universe. That discord sets up lots of other vibrations, some of which will return to you in ways you might expect--and some in ways you could never see coming. Of the things you couldn't have seen coming, I'm the worst."
-Tom Vanadium, From the Corner of his Eye

Christmas List & Note Writing

1) Treadmill
2) Pokemon Leaf Green version
3) The Beastie Boys - Sounds of Science CD
4) Strike Anywhere - Exit English CD
5) Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz
6) Forever Odd by Dean Koontz
7) Intensity by Dean Koontz
8) A video/DVD for learning Arabic
9) A cool sweatshirt

That's all I want so far, and the treadmill will probably be counted as a "family gift." Can't wait 'til the holiday's finally here! >_<

MAN, it was supposed to snow today, but it didn't... I hate having my hopes up for nothing. My brother's watching the weather man right now, and he said it's supposed to snow on Thursday. But hah, you can trust weather predictions like you can trust a parrot to come out of your butt.

I've started to become obsessed with writing notes; I probably write at least one a day now. This morning, Cynthia handed me a note pad with a message on it and said it was our "note" book, so now I'll be note-writing non-stop. Hee hee, this should be fun. B) I recently started writing in cursive rather than print because it keeps me focused, not to mention that it's twenty times more fun! It conveniently keeps me awake because I'm always concentrating so hard on making it look nice. I guess I should be paying attention, but note-writing's a heckuva lot better than dozing off, and as long as I'm still ace-ing tests, I don't really give a flying crap.

It's Been a While...

I haven't been getting around to blogging lately... which sucks. I feel like I need to write everyday, just like I need to run track everyday, to get better. Anyway, this weekend was a lot better than the days preceding it. The distress of being alone went away, and it doesn't even come back when I'm chatting with Caroline. Even though we're still talking a lot and stuff, I sense a kind of distance between us. I just think it's the fact that we're different now, and there's no way to change that. I hope the sadness doesn't come back tomorrow at school, when reality's rubbed in my face.
Oh man, this is pretty random, but I passionately love the internet. I can surf around and forget all about life, which leads me to a confession: I've started playing the Pokemon gameboy games again. It takes my mind off things, not to mention it's addictive and dangerously fun! I've decided to ask for Leaf Green version for Christmas, haha. That'll be the one thing on my list that I DON'T tell my friends about.
Hey, I just read over this entry, and I actually feel kind of good about it! Normally I think my entries suck pretty bad.
On a more Arabic note, I've been slacking. :( I really, really, really, REALLY want to learn it, but I just haven't been making myself study it. Maybe if I blog more, I'll study Arabic more, because blogging always makes me wish I could type in Arabic.
Better news: I didn't overeat today! I felt like I ate waaaay too much on Friday and Saturday, but today I kept the amount reasonable. w00t!
Oh yeah, mentioning Friday, I went and saw Harry Potter 4 with Shelley. The movie was okay but definitely not my favorite. Shelley was rather tolerable, so I was both surprised and relieved. The main thing was that she told me two guys had officially liked me in middle school. I've needed to hear this for SO long. Thank Heavens for this spark of hope!
Alrighty, I've said all I want to say. I hope this entry sounds good even with its randomness.